How to Write a Bestseller (and make gobs of money)

1. Do some market research. Find out what is selling now. Look for a book--or better, a series--that has a large, dedicated--preferably a little fanatical--fanbase.

2. Write an Alternate Universe (AU) fanfiction for the world you chose. (If you've never written fanfiction, that's okay. There are lots of examples on the interwebz. Just Google it. Besides, fanfiction doesn't have to be good, as long as it's set in a world with a large, obsessed fanbase.)

3. Change the names of the main characters. See, the problem with fanfiction is you can't sell it because the world you're working with is copyrighted; it belongs to the original author. However, if you change the names of your characters, and you're writing an AU, that makes it okay. (Also, make sure if one of the original characters was a vampire, make him into a regular human but a misogynistic, self-centered jerk who likes to hurt women and control people.)

4. Include lots of sex. The more the better. It doesn't have to be well-written, though, so don't worry about that.

5. While marketing your magnum opus, let it slip that it started out as a fanfic and mention the book/series you copied from; this will ensure that all or most of the fans of that series will read your work.

6. Sit back and watch the royalties come in.

Have You Ever Interrobanged?

 I just discovered this nifty little punctuation mark today, but according to Wikipedia, it's been around for years. It replaces ?! or !? as in, "You did what?!" Sadly, however, it is still a non-standard form of punctuation and cannot be found in many fonts. (Although, apparently, the default MS Office font Calibri has it. I haven't checked, though.)

I like it. I think I'll start using it in handwritten writing. I wish I could use it in typing. For example, "Why can't I use the interrobang in my blog?!"
Have you ever heard of the interrobang before? Do you think there's a need for it? Would you use it if you could?

Thunderstorm

It's time for Knights of MicroFiction, hosted by Jess and Kathy. The prompt is "In 200 words or less write a flash fiction using the phrase:  The sky darkened..."

The sky darkened while I watched, listening to the rolling rumbles shake the heavens. I felt the sound in my bones, in my soul. A cool breeze washed over me, tempting me to close my eyes, to lose myself in the sensations. I resisted the urge, watching the sky, waiting.
There! A spear of light cut through the clouds to my right, thrusting down toward the earth. As I blinked away the afterimage, another one stabbed downward on my left. And another directly in front.
My heart rose within me, beating like a bird’s wings. And I did feel as if I could fly.

Scribophile

I've recently joined a writing critique site called Scribophile. I've tried a couple of other similar sites, but didn't find them all that helpful, or well-laid out--or they charge you money to post your work (I'm a starving artist, so I can't afford that). Scribophile is different. They have two levels of accounts, free and paid, but you don't have to pay to post your work. In order to post, you need karma, and to get karma, you critique others' writing. However, you can't just write whatever in a critique to farm karma, because you'll get it reported as a bad critique. All the critiques I've gotten so far have been very helpful, and I've enjoyed reading others' writings.
You can also join the forums and groups to get to know the community. I think this is the site's greatest strength. Once you get to know people, they'll be more likely to critique your writing, and the discussions--while sometimes just crazy--can be very helpful. And the crazy is fun.
If you're looking for a place to get some really helpful critiquing and maybe get to know some other writers, come visit me at Scribophile. Click on the picture below or the button on my sidebar.

Why Self-Publishing Might be Safer

I've been doing some reading lately about self-publishing versus traditional or "legacy" publishing. I've come to the conclusion that self-publishing is the way to go. There are many reasons for this, including my need for control. However, I've discovered that traditional publishing is a scary, dangerous minefield. Before you take a step, please do your research. Below are some links I've found with very good info:

10 Reasons You Should Skip Traditional Publishers and Self-Publish Ebooks Instead

Hate Amazon? Well Read About What Random House Did to Me and My Family...

Sleeping with the Enemy: A Cautionary Tale

A Newbie's Guide to Publishing (several posts)

Portrait of a Vampire

His hair is black, his flesh is cold;

He's tall and dark and lean.

His eyes are deep and dark and clear

With an unearthly sheen.

He lives in darkness, shunning light;

The sun would mean his death.

But does he live? He has no pulse

And, in his lungs, no breath.

His teeth are even, pearly white,

And yet, they're not quite right.

He does not eat what mortals eat.

It is not bread he bites.

He stalks her and she does not flee;

She finds him mesmerizing.

But if she lets him seduce her,

Will she again be rising?

Does she imagine what he is

Or is her mind o'ercome?

Does he have her in his spell?

Can she escape her doom?

-Esther Spurrill-Jones

Show and Tell

I've been reading a lot of self-published, or indie, books lately. I've also been reading some as-yet-unpublished manuscripts and a lot of flash-fiction on blogs. I really enjoy the creativity and the different voices and genres I've been exposed to through this. However, (you knew there was going to be a "however," right?) I've noticed a trend towards "telling" rather than "showing." By "telling" I mean dry description of the kind you'd see in a history textbook, and by "showing" I mean making us feel the POV character's emotions and giving us the descriptions through their eyes.

For an example, I will use a short passage from my current WiP. If I had written this using "telling," it would look something like this:

When he awoke, he was in his bedroom. It was lit only faintly by a sliver of moonlight that slipped through the heavy drapes. His head ached fiercely. The darkness was a blessing. Even the tiny shred of light hurt his head. He sat up and dizziness overcame him. He groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

And if I used "showing," it would be more like:

When he awoke, he was in his bedroom, which was lit only faintly by a sliver of moonlight that slipped through the heavy drapes. He felt as if a vise were squeezing his temples, trying to crush his skull. He was thankful for the darkness, as even the tiny shred of light cut into his eyes like a knife. He sat up--and the room spun and swung around him like a pendulum. An involuntary groan escaped his lips as he let his head fall into his hands.

See the difference? It's not that obvious at first glance, and I'm not sure if I'm "doing it right" yet, but I think the second version is a much more interesting read. I've tried to make it flow like thoughts do as, even though it isn't first person, we are inside the MC's head seeing his thoughts and feelings. Even in first person, you can fall into this trap. Eg: "My head ached fiercely. The darkness was a blessing. I groaned." This still doesn't "show."

Also, if you notice, the sentences are much shorter and choppier in the first version. These short sentences don't flow easily. In my humble opinion, the way I've put them together in the second version is much better. Now, I don't mean that longer sentences are always better than short. Sometimes, short sentences can convey the emotion better than long ones. But that's a topic for another blog post. The point is to convey the emotion in a way that keeps the reader reading.

What do you think? Do you find yourself "telling" or "showing" in your writing? Do you find it easy to "show" or not? Do you think it's better to "show"?