OctPoWriMo 16 - What Choice?

Today's prompt challenged us to pick a side on an issue. I decided to write on something that is very controversial but is personally very painful for me. Any attacks in the comments will be instantly deleted.
For more on my personal struggle, see OctPoWriMo 11 - Sometimes.

What Choice?

You say you're pro-choice?
Good for you.
I don't get that choice.
I'm like a starving person
Watching someone toss their leftovers.
I'd take them.
I'd take them all,
I'd love them all.
My choice means nothing though.
I still have no child.

OctPoWriMo 11 - Sometimes

Today's prompt asked me to write about something I don't usually share with others, to dig deep and lay bare my heart. "Your written words give you power. Who knows, they may help give someone else power, too." Those family and friends I am closest to already know this, but I haven't written poetry about it before.

Sometimes babies make me cry

I’ve always dreamed I’d be a mom
I once said I wanted twelve
A house filled with love

I dreamed of love, romance, and marriage
I dreamed of babies

Now I have love, romance, and marriage
Yet no babies

Doctor visits, tests, and drugs
Invasive, uncomfortable, frustrating
Expensive
Every month, I hope and pray that this is it
This is the month
Every month, it isn’t

I hate myself when I am jealous of mothers
I hate myself when I am miserable to others

Some days are better than other days
Some days I smile and feel the hope
Some days I just know that it will happen

But sometimes I get so angry
Sometimes I am depressed
And sometimes babies make me cry

OctPoWriMo 2 - Dreams

The Sonnet is probably my favourite poetry form. I love the musicality of it. Yesterday’s poem was an English (or Shakespearean) sonnet. Today, I’m going to try an Italian (or Petrarchan). The Italian sonnet is much more difficult, as every line rhymes with at least one other line.

Dreams

I’ve always dreamed I’d one day be a mom.

Yes, I’d like to be successful too:

To see my name in print would be so cool,

To reach the world with words, and to become

Alive and free, no longer cold and numb.

I love to dream up worlds: make something new,

To ask the questions “Where?” and “Why?” and “Who?”

Yet, times I’d rather change a baby’s bum.

I believe I’ll realise my dreams,

Although they seem so far away right now.

“Nothing is impossible!” I scream;

My barbaric yawp drowns out the “How?”

And all I see is distant joyful gleams.

Poor Thing is Dead

My main computer is down for the count. My brother-in-law thinks he can get it running again, but until he can get to it, I'm stuck using my three-year-old mini netbook. It's got a 10-inch screen and only 1GB RAM, so it's rather difficult to do much with it. Therefore, my writing, blogging, etc. is suffering.

In happier news, I got to see and hold my brandnew niece yesterday. She was born on Feb. 5 and was in the hospital for a few days as she was early. She is absolutely adorable. :)

It Will Happen

Sometimes babies make me sad. Now, don't get me wrong; I love babies and children. I want to have at least 4 or 5 of my own someday. And there's the rub: I have none of my own. Seeing those adorable little faces and hands and feet...it just makes me so happy and yet a little bit sad: happy that someone was blessed with a child, but sad that I was not.
I believe that someday I will have at least one baby of my own. I feel that God told me that it will happen; those were the words I heard: "It will happen. Maybe not right away; but it will happen." I'm holding onto that, through each month of disappointment, through each negative pregnancy test. It will happen.
Someday, a baby will make me so happy.