OctPoWriMo 11 - Sometimes

Today's prompt asked me to write about something I don't usually share with others, to dig deep and lay bare my heart. "Your written words give you power. Who knows, they may help give someone else power, too." Those family and friends I am closest to already know this, but I haven't written poetry about it before.

Sometimes babies make me cry

I’ve always dreamed I’d be a mom
I once said I wanted twelve
A house filled with love

I dreamed of love, romance, and marriage
I dreamed of babies

Now I have love, romance, and marriage
Yet no babies

Doctor visits, tests, and drugs
Invasive, uncomfortable, frustrating
Expensive
Every month, I hope and pray that this is it
This is the month
Every month, it isn’t

I hate myself when I am jealous of mothers
I hate myself when I am miserable to others

Some days are better than other days
Some days I smile and feel the hope
Some days I just know that it will happen

But sometimes I get so angry
Sometimes I am depressed
And sometimes babies make me cry