Fragile Flesh

Campaigner Challenge #2
The second challenge for the Writing Campaign can be seen here. I wrote a scene with two characters from one of my WiPs. For another piece on Lance, see here. I would love feedback on this piece if you are so inclined. Please critique.

Christopher groaned and leaned back against the rusty supports under the crumbling bridge, gripping his blood-soaked leg. Lance tore a strip from the hem of his once immaculate white shirt, and wrapped it tightly around the gash. The red flow slowed, and Lance’s shoulders sagged as he sat back on his heels, brushing back his sopping, muddy hair. Though he had once been human, he often forgot how fragile the species were, like a burst of fireworks or like ripples in a pond—beautiful, yet fleeting.
Lance stared at the river, imagining that he saw shapes in the random patterns of water: a heart, a winking eye, a pear … then his gaze caught on the thin red line that joined the river near his right foot. He and his brother had once owned jackets in that shade, given by their mother for an early birthday. Raoul had been so proud of that coat! The twins had gone down to the seaside and were building forts with the small rocks that littered the shore when Raoul had slipped and fallen in. Lance had panicked, plunging in to pull his brother out, but Raoul was only worried about his new coat.

2012 Valentine's Day Blog Hop: A Valentine's Letter

Vicki Orians challenged us to write a love letter from one of our main characters to another. I'm going to do this a little differently; this won't be romantic love. So this is Lance, the main character of my untitled WIP, writing to his deceased twin brother.

Raoul,
It has been so many years since I last laid eyes upon your face, so many many years, and yet sometimes I still forget. I turn to ask a question of you and you are not there. I hear your laughter in the next room, but you are not there. I see your face in the mirror, but it is only my face, and you are not there.

Ah, Raoul! I miss our conversations; I even miss our arguments. We always said we'd live forever, but we meant to do it together; eternity is lonely without you. I would do anything if you could live again.Vengeance was supposed to make it better; but vengeance only made things worse. Now your murderer hunts me with the strength and skills I gave him and with a great hatred in his heart for me and all our kind. I fear that this is my fault, for instead of killing him for killing you, I turned him into one of us, turned him into what he hated. For so long, I hated him for what he did to you; but now I only pity him for he is like me: forever alone.

I was always so proud, so proper. I don't remember if I ever told you that I loved you. I wish that I had, even though I know you would have laughed at me and made some joke; I miss your jokes. You were always so impulsive, so happy, so alive.

I miss you.

Your brother,
Lance